I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
