dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
