Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
