You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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