I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize