I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
