Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
