Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
