I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Randomize