the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
