Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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