so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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