this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
