census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
