the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
