She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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