Sacagawea was the original milf.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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