my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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