listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
