We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
