He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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