Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
