bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
