They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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