the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
