i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
