Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
