Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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