my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize