she smelled like a LAN party
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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