A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
As shirtless as possible
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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