Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
