Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Just cropdusted the office
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
