They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
