My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
