My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
