I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Semen is not good for contacts.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
