Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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