i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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