Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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