I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
