Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
