I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
