I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize