Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize