When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
