listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
