Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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