she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
