She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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