Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
