Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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