Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
