So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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