she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
