Me. At least after what I've been through.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
there is puke in my bra ... again
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