My balls are so social today.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
