I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
