i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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