All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
