How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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