I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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