He is an equal opportunity slut.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
