you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
