Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
no. you can't hotbox the world.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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