Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
