I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
