His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
dude. I can hear the air.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
