the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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