the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize